Title: The Lost Note
Author: HeavensWine
Length: Series - Chapter 8
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Jaeho, Yoosu
Genre: Romance, Slight angst and confusion
Summary: It’s been a tough year for the 4 members of TVXQ. They had to do everything without a leader. But what makes it harder was the feeling they kept inside. Yoochun made a mistake that affected Yunho and JaeJoong’s relationship. Will they ever regain those feelings? A misunderstanding that postponed their bond for more than a year.
Something the heart must have to cherish,
Must love and joy and sorrow learn;
Something with passion clasp or perish,
And itself to ashes burn.
< Trailer >
< Prologue >
< Chapter 1 >
< Chapter 2 >
< Chapter 3 >
< Chapter 4 >
< Chapter 5 >
< Chapter 6 >
< Chapter 7 >
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know
I love you
I've loved you all along
I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore.
Chapter 9
So I closed my eyes yesterday night and just enjoyed the warmth he had offered to me until I fell asleep.
“Hello!” I had been brought back to reality when I saw Yunho’s hand waving in front of me. “Earth to JaeJoong!”
To be honest, I really didn’t hear what he said. Ever experience some times when you know that someone is speaking but because you have something else in mind, you weren’t able to hear them? “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
He sighs and says, “I was saying that I asked you a while ago who you are going out with later. Then you said ‘My Love.’ You even said it while smiling.”
I then remember my dream. I almost forget all about it. He was probably the one who asked, ‘my love?’ That must have been why the question sounded so real. I have to tell him the truth about my dream before this guy starts thinking other things. “I was dreaming.” I said with an eyebrow raised. “And why the hell would I refer to you as my love?” I entangle my arms in front of my chest to make my arrogant acting more evident. I just really love teasing this guy.
“Ouch.” That was his short reply together with a pout.
I laugh then say while reaching out to pinch his cheeks, “Kidding…my love.” I get off the bed and head to the bathroom to freshen up leaving him to ponder about the endearment I just told him. I smile at my cheekiness. I don’t even know if it’s a good or bad sign that I was finally being overly friendly with him again. Aish! Just don’t fall too damn deep, JaeJoong, or you’re dead if Yunho can’t catch you.
I finish my morning shower right away, dress up then head out of the room to make some breakfast. Breakfast? Or was it already served? Because surely, if it wasn’t, Changmin would have woken me up. I gaze out of the hallway into the kitchen to see pancakes served on the table…and eggs. Eggs? I know for sure who cooked this.
“Hyung, morning.” Changmin greeted me from behind.
I look at him and ask, “Where are the others? Have all of you eaten?” How come all of them are missing? Usually, at this time, they play playstation.
Changmin points to the work rooms and says, “They’re on their work rooms.” He smiles at me and continues, “We’ve all eaten. Have you?”
I shook my head.
He pushes me into the kitchen and says, “Go! Eat! I’ll join you.” He grins at me.
“I thought you already ate?” Really. What an amazing appetite?
He acts like his sad. I know he’s acting after a long time of being with this food freak. “I just want to be with you, umma.”
I roll my eyes and smile.
After we eat, I washed the dish and being a loving mother that I am to Changmin, I washed what he used as well. Of course all I thought when eating was the taste of Yunho’s cooking. Right now, I’m following Changmin to the work rooms. I step in Yoochun and Junsu’s work room to check what they’re doing. Yoochun and Junsu are replying to UFO Reply. Through the glass door, I can see Yunho facing back doing something on his laptop. I went out YooSu’s work room and into my, changmin and now Yunho’s workroom to see what he is doing. He is typing something at a text document. I walk near him to see closer. Lyrics?
“You’re writing a song?” With his headphone covering his ear, I don’t think he heard me but I’m sure he was surprised by my sudden presence. He instantly minimized the document before facing me.
“What?” I asked him. It’s as if he saw Casper, the ghost, in me. “What was that?” I place my hand on his laptop’s touchpad to maximize the document but he gently yet strongly pushes my hand away and covers the pad with his own hand.
“You can’t see it…yet.” He said firmly.
I pull out the chair beside him and sit down still looking at him. “It’s an English song.” I wasn’t asking him. I’m saying it to let him know that I, at least, know that fact.
“Yes.” He confirmed.
“Love Song?” I asked.
He brings his right hand to his chin, rubbing it gently to indicate that he is pondering on my question. “Love Song?” He repeats my question and looks at me. “I don’t know yet.”
How can he not know? “You’re writing it but you don’t know?”
He faces his computer again and opens another tab. “Well, I’m basing it to my current life…so it depends. If I fall in love, then it’ll probably be a love song.” He looks at me and smiles.
“It’s gonna be a love song.” I told him confidently. I think that if I want him to get his love back, I have to be confident and stop acting like the JaeJoong I was when he came back. I feel stupid every time I remember how I acted around him back then. I can’t be blamed, though; I didn’t know he is faultless.
I notice he is looking at me with a what-the-heck-is-this-guy-saying expression. “Excuse me?” He had pardoned me before fully facing me. “Are you saying that I might fall in love?”
Might? “No.” I face him fully and say, “I’m saying that you will fall in love.”
He retreats himself and faces the computer again. “I don’t think so.” He shakes his head and continues, “It’s not gonna be a love song.”
I lean on the chair to ease myself because slowly I can feel a little rejection with what he said.
He looks at me for a short time and back to his laptop. “I’ve learned my lesson, hyung.”
What the heck was the ‘hyung’ for? Maybe he was emphasizing his point…that he thinks of me now only as the level of a hyung and that he will surely not fall in love with someone like me again because he has learned his lesson. Here goes my pessimistic side. Why does everything have a double effect for every single attack on me? Does my heart have magnifying glass for my emotions?
“Jaejoongie, we have radio sched later.” He told me as if I don’t know anything about our schedule.
I look at him with annoyance and say, “I know. So?” I don’t know if that’s what really annoyed me or because I am thinking that he was trying to point out I’m only a hyung to him.
“So please don’t say anything about the song I’m writing.” He pleads me. “You’re the only one who knows other than me, of course. I want this done first. You’re special to be able to know of it first after me.” He smiles teasingly.
I am not teased though. I’m still pretty much annoyed. “Special? Yeah. Special that I peeped in and saw you writing a song?” I asked provokingly.
He faces me and asks, “Why do you look so annoyed, Joongie?”
I look away from him and say, “It’s not special. It’s lucky.” I corrected him. “Special is when someone wholeheartedly let you know about it and let you read even if it’s just a part of what has been accomplished. I would not have even known of it if I didn’t peep in.”
“Here.” He said which makes me look up. “Read.”
He is trying to let me read what he has done. “No. I won’t read it.” Now I feel guilty. It feels like I’m forcing him to let me read something he wants to keep private for now.
“But you really are special to me.” Jaejoong, stop looking at him. Three seconds. I stared at him for three seconds. The way he said it just feels so genuine to me. Just because I want to feel special, he is willing to break his privacy. That is very very very wrong.
Without looking at his screen, I press alt+tab to cover up his composition. “I was just teasing you.” I move closer to him and continue, “You’ll show it first to me, anyway. So why worry?” I said it while opening a browser in his laptop.
“You’ll be the first one to know the lyrics and its meaning.” He assured me. I look at him and it didn’t seem to bother both of us with the close proximity of our faces. Not looking away from someone after saying something heartfelt must be authentic.
I look away finally and smile at what happened. I continue what I was doing a while ago, trying to visit UFO account to see some posted messages. “Can I?” I ask him eagerly.
“But you have your own laptop. Why don’t you do it there?” He lectured.
I retreat my hands from his keyboard and say, “Why should I when I can do it here?” I protest before reading some messages and replying to them.
UFO MESSAGES
JJSrang: Oppa, where are you? Why are you not replying to us anymore?
KHeroJJ: I’ve been busy with something. Forgive, oppa.
“Busy?” Yunho ask me with disbelief. “You have not been busy.” He said it like he knows my schedule better than me.
I look at him guiltily and say, “You reply to them then!”
“Hehem.” He laughed jokingly then says, “I was joking.”
UKnowILoveU: Yunho oppa’s back. He’s back!!!!!!!!!!!
KHeroJJ: He’s back? Really?
“You know I’m back.” Yunho said.
“I do.” I hastily said.
“Then?”
I look at him, blink and look back at the monitor. “Didn’t you see her saying it like she knows you’re back and I don’t so she needs to tell me so I would be informed? Who the heck am I to you?”
“You’re special to me.” He smiles. I smile. But then he continues, “She didn’t say it, though. I think she typed it.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked provokingly.
“Yeah.” He confirmed.
I look away from him, roll my eyes and look back at the screen.
YJisTogether: Oppa, has Yunho-oppa’s English gotten better?
“Yes, my English has mind-bogglingly improved. See?” He said it in English.
KHeroJJ: No, it didn’t. Sorry to disappoint you.
“I said it did. Why did you reply ‘no’?” He complained to me.
KHeroJJ: Yes it did. My English is way better now. ~Yunho.
I tried removing his hand from the keyboard but it’s too late. He already sent the reply. “Why did you do that?”
“No. Why did you do that?” He flamed my words back to me.
“What?” I didn’t understand what you said in English a while ago so I wrote no.” I redeemed myself.
“That’s why I corrected it by typing a new reply.” He said to me.
I faced his laptop away from him and only to me so that he won’t type on my replies again.
“That’s my laptop.” He pointed out.
“This is my UFO site.” I said while glaring at him. I was only kidding, though.
He crosses his arms and says, “What’s wrong with you?” Slightly scary. His eyes grew bigger. “Yesterday, you’re ignoring me. Today, you’re bugging me.”
I’m bugging him? How could he be so rude to say it right in my face? I stay looking at him firmly. It’s not a cute look asking to be forgiven; it’s a look that is asking for forgiveness. But then it’s really my fault anyway. I shouldn’t feel bad; there’s still a lot of time for me to talk to him. I have years and years to come…I think.
“I’m sorry, Yunnie.” I said while slowly pushing the computer back to face him.
He puts his hand on my lap and says, “I mean that you should at least let me…” What is this? Rather than focusing with what he is saying, I find myself focusing at his hand rubbing gently at my thigh. “I’m sorry.” He said. Then he retreats his hand near to him as if it was burned by my thigh.
“I didn’t know that would make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Uncomfortable?” I asked. Was he talking about the way he said I am bugging him so rudely? “What is?”
“I…touching you like that.” He confirmed to me. So he was talking about him rubbing my thigh. But it really did catch my attention. But I feeling uncomfortable because of that? Come on! I thought I was in heaven a while ago.
I laugh and place my hand on his thigh. “Come on, Yunho! This is a friendly gesture. What are you talking about?” I can’t help but smile at the thought of me being able to touch him like this again after so many months. “What made you think I’d feel uncomfortable with that? What are you, a stranger?”
He smiles. I don’t know why but maybe because I didn’t really feel uncomfortable with it or maybe because of my hand on his thigh. I don’t know which but then he holds my hand and starts playing with it gently. He may not be doing it gently but, for me, every touch he gives me feels so gentle.
He looks at me and says, “Your eyes hinted that you feel uncomfortable.” Then he looks at my hand, which is being touched above his thigh. “Plus,” He crosses his arms which leaves my hand alone. I imitate him by crossing my arms as well, urging him to continue. And so he does, “You practically made me feel a total stranger to you when I got back…like I’m a new member of the group and like you’re being forced to accept me in.”
He is right. I practically made him a stranger with the way I acted. I scratch the back of my head and say, “I’m really sorry about that. I have a reason.” I assured him with a smile.
“And that reason would be?” He asked.
“We’ll talk about it later…our date.” I said with a smile.
“I thought you didn’t want it to be called a date or something like that?” Oh no. He might be thinking that I’m starting to want a date with him. I, of course, want to but he can’t know of it. Haha.
I look at him and say, “It’s fine by me as long as it’s your treat.” A smile slowly creeps on my cheeks indicating victory.
“Okay. Okay.” He nods. “But you take charge of the things to bring, alright?”
What is this guy talking about? Are we about to set a camp which includes logs, coolers, ice, and a tent? “What things are you talking about?” I asked in curiosity.
An ‘o’ forms on his lips. He must have realized that he hasn’t told me anything about his plan yet. “Papers and pens.” He said curtly.
I stay silent, waiting for him to continue. But as I’ve sense that he’s done talking, what the hell are we going to do with papers and pens? “What?” I stare at him with impatience. “Are those the side dish later…or the main course?” Why do I have to keep asking him and does not he just tell me why?
While I’m irritated, he smile and say, “We’re going to do something and I’ll explain it later.”
I lean on my chair and asked for the 100th time, “What?” I sigh. “Play Tic Tac Toe?” He laugh but didn’t respond leaving me to be more bothered. “Alright. What a very exciting date we’ll be having.”
“Yeah, so look forward to it.” He mocked before facing the computer and continuing what I was doing.
Okay. I’ll look forward to ditching our date later on. But honestly, who would play such game on a date? That’s simply ridiculous. I won’t bring a paper later. I stick out my tongue on him. He is probably wondering why I did that. So I get his laptop to face me again so that I can finish my unfinished business with my UFO messages.
UKnowILoveU: Jaejoong Oppa, why don’t you know that Yunho Oppa is back?
“Tell her that you know I’m back.” Yunho commanded me.
“I don’t want to.” I said to him. I’m about scroll down to read the other messages but he is gesturing that I should reply to the message. “Why? I don’t like her username.” I said. I said that? Shit, Jae Joong. Control your mouth.
“Well, I love her username.” He said in contrast before adding, “You’re just jealous.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah. If I know you want her username to be HeroILoveU and not UKnowILoveU.” I sigh. It’s a good thing that he wasn’t thinking about me being jealous because of other people liking him other than me.
KHeroJJ: I’m just kidding you. Change your username. I don’t like it.
Yunho lightly taps my shoulder and says, “You are the most outspoken person I’ve ever known.”
“Oh. Thank you, my love.” I expressed my gratitude in an infuriating way.
JJSrang: BUSY??!!! You’re not replying because you’re busy with Yunho-oppa. *jealous*
“Why does everything connect to me?” Yunho asked as he finally noticed the radiation coming out from my UFO messages.
I stop typing and look at him. “You, going back in here powered up the fan couples’ fan clubs.” I look at Junsu and Yoochun then continue, “I assume Yoochun and Junsu are having a hard time controlling the question and attacks about the so called but infamous ‘2U’ and ‘HoSu’
“Yah!” He exclaimed with big eyes. “2U isn’t infamous.”
“Okay but it’s not real either.” I said with an eyebrow slightly raised.
“Nothing’s real.” I look at him as if hurt with what he said. He’s right, though. Nothing is real…not even us.
I cross my arms and say, “YooSu is real!!!” I exclaimed.
Then he scoots quietly to me and whispers, “What is up with Yoochun and Junsu?” He looks like he is thinking for a while and goes on, “They have been acting all sweet and stuff.”
I face him and with a serious face, I say, “I told you. YooSu as in YooChun and Junsu is real.”
He looks at me for 1…2…3…4…5… 5 seconds before saying, “I’m serious.”
I look back at him with the same serious expression and say, “I’m not joking.”
He sighs then he look at Yoochun and Junsu who are now laughing together in front of Yoochun’s laptop. He fixes his gaze on me before retreating back and scratching the back of his head. His expression right now is, I can say, probably mixed disbelief, confusiong…and disapproval?
“They can’t be together.” He said to me like he wants us to make a plan for them to break up but…
“They are not yet together.” I informed.
“Not yet?” He growled a little to me. He honestly looks like a hyperventilating antagonist. “What do you mean not yet?!!” He holds my wrist not too tightly.
“They’re not yet officially together but they’re basically together.” I said. Seeing his expression, it’s looks like he became even more confused. “They love each other intimately…” I swallow, finding it hard to explain to him. “…and I mean it.”
“Break apart…” He whispered almost inaudibly but I heard it. I heard what he just said.
“Break what apart?!” I said in a slightly higher tone but not so loud for Yoochun and Junsu to hear.
One word he replies, “Them.”
I throw his hand away to break free from his hold and say, “How could you say that?!!!
Probably shocked with what I did, he says firmly in a lower volume, “You know they can’t be together.”
Now he is judging me. “I know?!” I almost shouted now. “What do you know?!!! You weren’t here when they developed their feelings for each other.”
“It won’t work out.” He contradict.
“It already worked out!” I stated.
“Probably now…but not in the end.” He argued before almost shouting out as well, “And they are both guys. You know it!”
“What the fuck is wrong with that??!!” I pushed him. “They love each other. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”
For some reason, I want him to push me back like what I did to him. But he isn’t doing it. He is just shouting out what words he wants to reach my mind. “…you can’t see it yet because you haven’t experienced loving a man who can’t love you back in return for some unknown reason.” I get through me. I know what he is talking about.
“You’re a bastard for even just thinking of cruel things such as breaking them apart?!!!” I shouted before I see Junsu, Yoochun and Changmin going coming in Yunho’s work place. They are holding me trying to pull me away from Yunho before I even punch hit him or something.
He stays silent. I harshly shake my body to be free from their grasps. I turn around to leave, even managing to push them Changmin out of my way. But before I completely exit, I add, “And for your information, Mr. Right. I’ve experienced loving a man who left me behind without even reconfirming my love.”
A/N: Uhrrr!!! Yes, I Hate LJ!!!! I give up trying to post this short update. Yes, it's not that long but LJ keeps on refusing it. Anyway, I'm back to school but I'll try to update as soon as I can. Maybe one paragraph a week? Haha. Joke! I don't know. But at least once update a month? Also, I will maybe make a YoonJae Video soon. Thank You to everyone who subscribed my YouTube Channel. I'll make a video only for you guys. Saranghamnida.
